Clint Gaige

Press, a mixed bag

I have found it harder and harder to talk about Road Dawgs in the press. This is the first book written since the death of my son and while its a valid topic for interviews it is hard to keep talking about it in public forums. Interviewers want to know details and how I managed to keep writing after tragedy. Its hard to talk about it.

I guess the truth of the matter is, giving up would have been easier. It was hard to actually want to do something like write...writing seemed so very trivial. It was my daughter who kept me going. During the worst of it my wife was nearly comatose...I remember my daughter climbing up on her lap and saying, "Mommy, just be." I remember thinking about the depth of the well that brought that little nugget to the surface in a two year old little girl.

Its both easier and harder while time passes. My daughter looks quite a bit like her brother...ironically, she is now older than her "older" brother. She never knew him but competes with him anyway. She continually compares herself to him (without our encouragement). In fact, I try to never compare them...which, may be why she does it on her own. I have gotten to the point where I can not think about him for a bit, but I always feel guilty when I realize what I've done.

It isn't a question I will ever really get out from underneath...I try to remind myself that the real goal should be to show people who have lost someone that there are going to be days worth living again, even if it doesn't feel like it.

How ironic, I am posting on a blog about my frustration about dealing with loss publicly...Oh well, the topic is already on the table, I guess I might as well address it.

posted by Clint Gaige @ 11:29 AM